Could it be another change?

“Today I choose what I want to see. I look for the best, I leave all the rest.”

After an introspective flight back from Hawaii and a great conversation with my friend Ben, I’ve decided to begin transforming my blog in the following ways:

  1. New schedule: Instead of posting every Tuesday, I will only add full-length posts when my whole heart is in what I’m writing. Lately, I’ve felt creatively stifled by the weekly deadline I set upon launching this blog. Quality over quantity, as they say.
  2. As such, I will be removing content that does not feel as meaningful to me. There are certain posts in the past few weeks that felt forced and less passion-driven. If this blog is all someone knows of me and my journey, then I only want to display posts that authentically reflect that.
  3. New content: dynamite insights – These are bite-size posts to brighten your day. Sometimes ideas hit me like a stick of dynamite when I’m under my covers at night, driving around, on a plane, and I just have to write. I’ll start sharing those here.

To kick-start these changes, here are some dynamite insights from the past two weeks. During which time I’ve attended two beautiful weddings, quit drinking, and had plenty of plane rides and sober nights to let my mind wander:

  • Someone wise asked me months ago what one change I’d want to see in the world. When I was a teenager, I thought something was wrong with me. I learned that my dad’s mother was in-and-out of mental hospitals and his father suffered from depression, and that grandparents on both sides had struggled with alcoholism. This fact, coupled with my feeling so alone in my inner world as a teen, made it seem to me that it was only a matter of time before I was diagnosed with some debilitating mental illness. I cried a lot, snuck out a lot, went through an anorexic phase, then a workout-too-much phase. A phase where I fantasized about getting kicked out of my small private school so that I could disappear in the masses at public school. So when asked what one change I want to see in the world, the answer that rings true to me is to make sure every teenager has the tools and support system needed to cope with life.  Even though I have amazing parents and the kind of upbringing where a warm bed, warm meal and warm hugs were expected, I viewed the world from the mindset of a scared victim. As a teen, it would have helped to hear more messages like this: You are not alone, but rather so unbelievably connected to others. You are a powerful co-creator in your life. Everyone is scared, and everyone feels alone sometimes. You are perfect as you are.
  • I’ve attended two weddings recently, and in both cases the couples were beautiful examples of why so many of us choose to dedicate our lives to one person. Why we trust our hearts, our futures, to one person. With my cousin Hannah’s wedding, it’s clear that after nine years of being together already they were each other’s best friend. With my two friends who married last weekend, it’s clear both of them empower each other to lean into their immense potential. Both couples inspire those around them to have the kind of partnership that is grounded in true love and fierce loyalty. When I envision the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I see someone who holds me accountable to my biggest dreams, and I do the same for him. We bring joy to others, simply by bringing out the best in each other. Congratulations to the lovely brides and their doting grooms who I’m fortunate enough to call my friends.

With courage, love, and intensity,


Photo credit: martinak15 / / CC BY

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